I have not been blogging for sometime already since I want to try to test my own feeling about her. My friend tells me to not blog about her every day since I may be creating a fake feeling for myself. Although I have not blog about her for some time, but I still miss her every moment of my life and I even dreamt about her at night. I guess I am seriously missing her.

I realize that last night, which is 15 July 2008, I think she told me that she and her bf started on 15 Jun 2008 and I guess yesterday is their one month anniversary. I hope that she had a nice time with her bf yesterday. The day before, she told me that she is having a bad headache and she even vomited. I am very very worried about her since I noe that this symptom that she has means that she has been sleeping late or not having good breakfast or did not drink enough water and all this has cause her body to be not so healthy. I really hope that she can take good care of herself since normally young people always thinks that all this are just small problems but when they reach around 30 years old, then will blame that why suddenly their body got so much problems. Haiz~~~am seriously worried about her but I trust that she can take good care of herself. : )

My Everyday Requires You~~~stay nice and good and take care always, ok? I will always be with you both physically and mentally if you need me to be there because I need and requires you also. Take care.

Today, I arrived in school quite early also but I decided to go to the canteen in W4 and sit there instead of going to the class straight away.

Over the weekend, I thought of a lot of things and I feel that what chea yik told me is very true that if I want to wait for her, I need to be positive and also always trust her to be able to cherish herself well since she is a very nice and kind girl who can think properly.

There are a lot of people suggest me to just let go. I serious cannot let go of her and the past we shared. Anyway, I will work hard to become someone that is better so I can prepare myself to be someone more prepared to be in her future and give her a better future.

I guess I will share more in the later part of today......since am seriously tired now, need a good nice nap~~~

My Everyday Requires You~~~~I still miss you~~take care~~~~

非你莫属

:你知道吗?☆
我很喜欢牵着你的手的感觉☆
发生什么样子我好希望再来一次☆
懂得让我微笑的人
再没有谁比你有天份
轻易闯进我的心门
明天的美梦你完成
整个宇宙浩瀚无边的尽头
每颗渺小星球全都绕着你走

*爱我非你莫属
我只愿守护由你给我的幸福
爱我非你莫属
也许会笑着哭
但那人是你所以不怕苦*

懂得让我流泪的人
给的感动一定是最深
在我心中留下伤痕
你同时点亮了星辰
看那麽多相遇
整个宇宙浩瀚无边的尽头
每颗渺小星球全都绕着你走**

你同时点亮了星辰
看那麽多相遇
偏偏只和你
天造地设般产生奇迹
哦我心的缝隙
我想除了你
任谁也无法填补这空虚

爱我非你莫属
我只愿守护由你给我的幸福
爱我非你莫属
也许会笑着哭
但那人是你所以不怕苦
那人是你所以不怕苦...0o0
不怕苦☆...

This morning, I did not go to school, because last night was a very tired night and I really dun feel like going to school today. When I woke up, I can feel that it is raining outside and my pillow is also wet too. Not because of the rain, is just something else that wet the pillow. Last night, I msn with her, when I type "what ya doin" to her on msn, she replied "making love"

somehow, my tears began to flow and I shiver, I felt that I am like totally losing her to someone else. I never felt this so strong before and somehow because of her joke, I can totally feel that right in my heart. Honestly, I cried until I am so tired and I fall unconcious and sleep on the bed.

Yesterday, I saw her and him walking to cwp. They walked just pass me without even seeing me. I am like 中邪 (possessed) and I began to walk and follow them. They are holding hands and did not even let go all the way, she seems so happy, so cheerful. I follow them without even thinking at all and I cross the road. A car almost hit me but lucky that it did not hit me in the end. It seems so dangerous after I manage to think and recall what I did but during that time, all I can see is her and I just could not think at all. Sorry to all the people that I promise I will take good care of myself, I tried my very best, is just, is my first time seeing them together and I really cannot control myself.

All I say is that, aat least she looks very happy and cheerful when she is with him.
My Everyday Requires You, cherish yourself, take care and may god bless you.

我比想象中爱你

飞得越远越看不见　
你阳光下灿烂的笑脸
在天和海之间那条界线慢慢地走远　
你曾经是我的地平线
你有没有一点想念　
我们一起去年的夏天
有种爱的感觉在心里面那么的强烈　
而这一切好像只是昨天
我才发现我比想象中爱你　
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静　我诚实的分析我自己
还是不可否认地　 我比想象中爱你

浪花掠过沙滩边境(海风就像你的呼吸)
我又看见我们的脚印(那曾是回忆的痕迹)
如果预见幸福的机率　要千万分之一　
不顾一切　也要找回你
我才发现我比想象中爱你　
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静　我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒 还是不可否认地　
我比想象中爱你 oh~~~

终于发现我比想象中爱你　
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静　我诚实的分析我自己　
总会从梦中惊醒 还是不可否认地　
我比想象中爱你

As usual, I am early to school and alone in class. Yesterday, her bf is back to Singapore and I guess she is very happy to see him.

She said to me that she use to have very good impression of me but I guess is because I cause her to wait to long and she thought that it is impossible for me to like her. Is funny that there is a time that both of us like each other and yet no even one of us really know each others true feeling and confessed.

I would say that when she is taken away from me, I felt that my world is totally gone. As day goes by, I am still able to survive but I really will that I MISS HER A LOT A LOT A LOT A LOT A LOT A LOT A LOT A LOT A LOT~~~~I MISS THE TIME WE ARE CLOSE TOGETHER, I MISS A LOT OF COMMON THINGS WE USE TO DO TOGETHER, sometimes, am wondering, why can't she wait a bit longer, I know is a very selfish thought but.......but.......am speechless. I guess since what done cannot be undone, if she is like what she is now, all I can do is wait, wait and wait. I discover that I don't even got interested with any other girls around. I can just only think of her constantly in my life, see her shadow in places like city square, causeway point and so many more places where we went before and share common memories. All I can is, my life is full of her, so full of her, until there is no more space for other people.

People say that let time help you forget her. It took me 6 years just to let go but still not forget about my first crush, with the closeness I shared with her, is almost impossible for me to forget her even in the next 30, 40 years.

Yesterday, about what she told me on saturday, I decided to put all my faint in her, I believe that she will cherish herself well and be pure and nice. I trust her and believe the her I know.

My Everyday Requires You. Be happy and hope you do good for today's UT test. Take care.

Something that she mentioned to me on saturday has stuck in my mind and torture me since that day. She said that she will not mind to have sex with the guy she likes even before marriage. She also told me that how open minded her bf and classmates are. I am really very very very worried, worried that she might do something with her bf which they are not even together for more than 3 months and i worried that might cause her to regret and cause me to regret for my whole life for not being able to make her part of my happiness.

Am really scared, am really worried, that if she done something that cause me to regret my whole life, I really dunno what will I do to myself. I understand that she is no one to me, just a friend and I have no rights to control her life, but is just that, is just that, if i say i wun mind and i dun care at all, I am totally cheating myself and I think I deserve all this because of my stupidity and foolishness of not making her part of my happiness.

My first Hug is given to her. Yes!!! her, not my mum, not my dad, not my sis not my other friends but her. This may sound unbelievable but I swear I am telling the truth. I can even describe the details what happen that day and to me, is a moment that I will cherish for my whole life.

I may sound too extreme. Is true that I will never dun care her just because she is no longer a virgin but my heart will really get hurt and break into pieces because she can be that close to that extent with someone that she knows him for a much shorter time compare to me.

For today, all this thoughts have never left my mind. I ended up crying in the toilet from 12pm to 1pm again just because I got so worried over this problem. All I can say is, I really wish that she will not do something that will cause both she and me to regret in our life.

All I can say is, I NEED TO TRUST HER, I NEED TO TRUST HER WITH MY LIFE, I NEED TO TRUST HER THAT SHE KNOWS WHAT SHE IS DOING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!so i guess, i have nothing but only to trust her since i really want to trust everything that she said to me about her as a person who wants to find true love and not just an anyhow gal.

My Everyday Requires You~~~~I wonder when will she see and read this, but I hope she can understand my thinking and feeling. Cherish yourself and wish you happy always.

言承旭 地心引力

只要你一笑 我就又都不介意
你对我任性 我竟然还觉得荣幸
不在乎爱情 会是自由的天敌
根本已经为你失去我平常的冷静
虽然我还不擅长 幸福这种东西
可是我真的很想 把所有你要的都放在你的手心
爱像地心引力 无法抗拒
一寸一寸 深深的被你吸引
心碎也没关系 等待也都愿意
人群之中我只能看见你
爱像地心引力 没有空隙
一天一天 不见你也在想你
我在你的眼里 重新认识自己
在你面前原来微笑那么容易

我终于明白 那些孤单的夜里
寂寞的表情 是因为你还没靠近
原来我愿意 为等一个人淋雨
是你唤醒了我自己都不懂的深情
虽然我还不擅长 幸福这种东西
可是我真的很想 把所有你要的都放在你的手心
爱像地心引力 无法抗拒
一寸一寸 深深的被你吸引
心碎也没关系 等待也都愿意
人群之中我只能看见你
爱像地心引力 没有空隙
一天一天 不见你也在想你
我在你的眼里 重新认识自己
在你面前原来微笑那么容易

爱像地心引力 无法抗拒(无法抗拒)
一寸一寸 深深的被你吸引(深深被你吸引)
心碎也没关系 等待也都愿意
人群之中我只能看见你(只能看见你)
爱像地心引力 没有空隙(没有空隙)
一天一天 不见你也在想你(也在想你 想你)
我在你的眼里 重新认识自己
在你面前原来微笑那么容易(那么容易)

Just another day without her by my side and her heart is still with someone else.

With me alone in the classroom, my mind wanders off and reminded about what she used to say to me, which I seems to not be able to forget all the things she said to me or she type to me through msn.

She used to yell at me with a slightly gloomy face and said:
李承纬, 你都不会爱别人的吗?我看你只会爱自己而已
Actually, deep in my heart at that time, I am replying to her that:
对啊, 我真的不会爱别人, 但我也不会只爱自己, 因为我爱你多过我爱自己
I always felt that my love for her will never come true since to me, she is too good to be true. I am always telling myself, I have promised my family that I will never go into a relationship before I am able to support myself so I swear that I need to work hard, as in to study and do everything, in order to be able to support myself, my family and also to be able to have her as someone I want to have a future with and give her a nice future. I got so motivated and my grades are getting better and better but it seems that she never notice this reason of mine to study.

Last time, when we chatted on msn, she asked me about what is my defination of love. We chatted and at the end, I still remember that she type the words:
如果有一天我爱上你, 你一定要付责任.

At that time, I am really really happy but confused also, because I don't know whether is it true or not about what she has typed on msn. But I guess, if really one day, she really fell in love with me, I am more than willing to have the responsibility on me to take care of her.

I think I cannot control myself now since my tears are beginning to fall again. I guess I need to stop type until here for now. Miss you, as always, My Everyday Requires You~~~~

Today, i went out with mery to shop and i got a ring for myself

Anyway, i went back to her hostel and spend some time there with her. I still can't control myself when mery turn on some of the sad songs that seems to describe my relationships with her and i ran to the toilet and cried there for 15 mins.

She kept asking me that am I ok a not and she saw my eyes were red. and the fact is that i cannot tell her that i like her a lot a lot now because i can see that she is having a good time with her bf and is really very very very not appropriate for me to tell her anything about my feelings for her. Anyway, this bf of hers is so damn rich that he can afford to call her for so long hours, sms her, bring her to places to she likes and make her a happier gal, sweet talk her to make her feel good and nice, do actions to touched her and so on......all this things are things that he can give her now and what i cannot give her at all....therefore, i shall just keep quiet and just wait.....if we are fated, so be it bah.....fate.....something so hard to understand, so painful to wait, but worth my whole lifetime..... : )

暗示
听见星星叹息
用寂寞的语气告诉不眠的云
是否放弃仍也追寻风的动静

心事不停累积
变成脸颊的泪滴
你始终没留意 我特别在乎你
你却像风一样 左顾右盼而行
全世界只有你不懂我爱你
我给的不只是好朋友而已
每个欲言又止浅浅笑容里
难道你没发现我渴望讯息
我应该如何让你知道我爱你
连星星都知道我心中的秘密
今夜在你窗前下的一场雨
是我暗示你我有多委屈

今夜在你窗前下的一场雨
是我暗示你我有多么委屈
是我暗示你我有多么委屈
你还不懂雨永远不会停

楊丞琳 - 曖昧
曖昧讓人受盡委屈 找不到相愛的證據
何時該前進 何時該放棄
連擁抱都沒有勇氣
只能陪你到這裡 畢竟有些事不可以
超過了友情 還不到愛情
遠方就要下雨的風景
到底該不該哭泣
想太多是我還是你
我很不服氣 也開始懷疑
眼前的人 是不是同一個 真實的你
曖昧讓人受盡委屈
找不到相愛的證據
何時該前進 何時該放棄
連擁抱都沒有勇氣
曖昧讓人變得貪心
直到等待失去意義
無奈我和你 寫不出結局
放遺憾的美麗 停在這裡