7:23 AM
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Yesterday, she talked to me seriously between us and we have sorted out our relationships. She is still my best friend and I am still her best friend. Seriously, I am someone who never really look at girls like what normally guys will do. But sometimes, I really think that all I see is her and no one is able to compare to her (both looks and and her inner self )
All I have to say is that I would be friends with her as long as possible :) In the mean time, I think I have no plans to get into any relationships and just do what I want to do and also make myself a better person. How knows what might happen in the far future right? Bless her~~~~~~
7:09 AM
Monday, June 23, 2008
Last friday, she told me that she went to a pub and drink with her friends and eventually overnight at a hotel. At first, I am worried that will she be ok and I keep telling myself in my heart "I MUST TRUST HER, I MUST TRUST HER!!!!" I guess to me, I choose and will trust her because a lot of relationships, pure relationships such as friends, family, and even couple need to trust each other fully and totally without asking someone to repay you beck with anything.
A few nights ago, I was chatting with her. Below is the content
She : have u think of go into relationship~ since u took a long time for it?
Me : took a long time for it?
Me : for what?
Me : huh???
Me : I when got take a long time for relationship??
Me : I was never in relationship what
She : ehm~ well~ I mean
She : took a long time
She :in considering it
Me : Oooo
Me : I think to me
She: if I go into a relationship
Me : I will want to make the gal my life partner
Me : where I want to be with her forever
Me : so I guess I wun go into relationship now even if I really love someone
She : Yea
She : this is not a joke
She : think carefully
She : b4 everything
Me : y ask me like that?
Me : huh?
She : no~
She : Since
She : its hard to you to get into relationship mah
She : then summore
She : u r the one
She : easily get emo
She : who noes
She : one day
She : Break
She : then u will suicide
She : then ask u think carefully la
She : wad do u think then?
She : u tot I n wilson goin to break?
She : Lol
She : that's y i asked u?
She : Hahaha
Me : to be true to you, I may be someone that stays by the side of someone I love but say nothing to her about I love her de, just accompany her by her side for a long long time...as long as possible
Me : I guess I may have the chance of suicide since I believe I exist because of the gal I want to protect and the gal I want to love
Me : if the gal dies liao
Me : I will suicide
Me : accompany her so that she wun be alone when she dies
She : lol how do u noe u wil be able to acc her in the neither world??? alot of ppl die in the same day~ will they meet at thr?
She : lol
Me : I will try
Me : I may not know I can acc her a not
Me : but I want to
Me : I want to try and meet her and acc her
Me : I want to try
Me : even it is hard
Me : if I try, I may achieve nothing
Me : if I dun try, I will achieve less than nothing
She : ehm ya
Me : I will do anything and everything for her
Me : including die for or with her
She : I think
She : this is wad a relationship should b too
She : lol
Me : a lot of people say i am stupid and foolish
Me : say if a gal dun like u and with other people then how?
Me : I will tell them
Me : all my eyes see is the one I love and I love only
Me : as long she is hao hao de
Me : am willing to do anything to maintain that
Me : that is y I say
Me : family is responsibility
Me : so when I have money left for them
Me : am free to sacrifice for the one I love
She : ehm
She : well
She : yea
She : I think so
She : but dun dwell too much on it la
Me : I admit I am a selfish person
Me : because I only want a world with me
Me : and her only
Me : others I dun care so much liao
She : haha
She : yea
She : ic
She : lol
She : i think most of ppl feel the same
She : anyway
She : chengwei
She : am goin to turn in
She : lol
She : hahaha
Me : am waiting for that
Me : if u no sleep
Me : i wun offline also
She : =x
Me : want to see u sleep
Me : go sleep
Me : better for ur body
When I was chatting with her, right after she says goodbye and turn in, I cry my heart out the whole night and I wonder does she feels anything towards me ?
I am like why does she need to ask me this? Is she serious towards me? I have no idea. but I understand a fact very clearly, no matter what she wants to do to me, no matter what she thinks of me, no matter what is it, I will stand by her......and I hope is as long as possible....
10:02 AM
Friday, June 20, 2008
After not being to see her for 22 days, I finally get to see her and had a 25 mins breakfast with her.
She told me that she did finish her PP already, am so happy that she takes good care of her studies too.....am proud of her......I guess I should finish my PP up.hehe :)
She did not talk much to me, but am already very contented that she is willing to meet me and have breakfast together. Am happy to see her that she is good and healthy. At least happy also on the outside.
I said to myself in my heart when having breakfast, "this is the girl I want to take care of for my lifetime, I shall not forget about wat I promise to her. I want to take care of her but I also need to give her respect and space. Anything that can bring her happiness, am willing to do......"
To see her today, am truly contented~~~~~~take care~~~~~
7:18 AM

Yesterday, I realised a lot of things suddenly. This few day, I have been doing a lot of things to hurt myself. Not sleeping, not eating, bite my own hand, bang my head on the wall, excessive crying, pull my own hair, slapped myself, and I even thought of trying to cut myself with a pen knife on the wrist.
But I suddenly realized, what if I remain like this and after that I become weaker? A weak guardian angel is a useless angel right? What if in the future, she got into trouble or have problems, a weak angel cannot help much also right? and most importantly, with a weak guardian angel, WILL SHE BE HAPPY? NO RIGHT?
I know that I need to be strong, I need to be very strong, since this is going to a very long relationship with her that I would not want to end it and I wish it can goes on a whole lifetime. I want to become the real person I use to be, (when I was very young (primary school time), the real character of mine, is a cheerful, interesting and fun but can be serious, patient, someone that can help her to arrange her life better and more neatly when she needs help and gentle too Cheng Wei) the real Cheng Wei that suits her more and can let her feel less stress, more relax and most importantly add more happiness in both of mine and her life.
I ask for nothing but just want her to be happy, that is why I promise her for that I can do her anything that she wants me to do and will try to give her everything she wants, just because, I WANT HER TO BE HAPPY.................miss you...........
8:05 AM
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Last night, was as usual, a teary sleepless night...
I fell in love with the song titled "parrot" by howl. It is how amazing that the song writer is able to have the song written with such meaning the really reads someone's mind. Below is the english translation of the song....
Howl - Parrot
I started thinking of you again like it was yesterday,
The missing feeling in my heart doesn’t seem to be reduced,
You just keep appearing in my mind,
The more I comfort myself, the more tears will fall,
Even if I rub away those tears secretly,
Those memories will turn over another memory,
Making me cry with a painful heart,
What I obtained are only extreme regrets,
The me who has never sacrifice is now having fears the you might forget…
Love you…I…I love you…
This is what I learned from you, out of all words and phrases in the world
This has become my favorite phrase,
Muttering to myself…like a fool alone…
I’m sorry… I’m sorry…
I’m sorry for these words that are too late
I wait for you without any pride
Will you return tomorrow by chance
I liked it, I was happy,
I didn’t know how to confess, I believed in forever,
If on that day, even if only in my dreams,
If I could return to that day, I’d collect all my emotions,
I would empty out my heart and give it all to you,
I love you, I love you,
This is what I learned from you out of all the words and phrases in the world,
This has become my favorite phrase
Muttering to myself… like a fool alone…
I’m sorry… I am sorry…
I’m sorry for these words that are too late
I wait for you without any pride
Will you return tomorrow by chance
This heart… Even if it’s ended, we won’t know
Even if you can’t come
Even if you’ve changed
Even if it’s not me
I call out… call out again
Like a parrot, I call out your name
And your love, like this
with everything like this, I am still not able to understand what am I feeling and what do I really want, am still lost.......and I still miss her for not been able to see her properly for 21 days. I miss her~~~
6:33 PM
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Since that night, I have been crying non-stop every night. All I can do is lie on my bed and and somehow I cannot control my eyes and tears will just flow and flow and flow.
Last night, I kept on cry, cough, cry, cough, cry and cough and finally I vomitted after extensive crying and coughing. I could not sleep soundly and all I can do is to let my tears run dry until I feel so weak and I will just blackout but when I am concious I will discover that my whole eyes are red, swollen and wet.
I dunno what am I thinking, I dun understand what I want, I dun understand my feeling, am totally lost~~~~
When the class ended, I dunno where to go, I dunno who to meet, No one to wait for me and no one for me to wait... am totally lost and I really feel empty and lonely inside me.
Is like everything I do I give my heart and soul and now I totally lost both of that and it is no where to be found.
Even in school today, I could not hold back my tears and went to the toilet for around 2 hours in total just to hide myself in one of the cubicle.
Am totally lost, lost in myself, lost my heart, lost my soul, lost in my life, lost in anything and everything and I dunno why.........I miss you........
6:33 PM
Thursday, June 12, 2008

Today since morning, I am kinda busy all that way to afternoon time. Morning, I wake up and went to my friend's house to teach my japanese friends how to speak chinese. Later on, I had lunch with them and also accompany them to shop for some groceries. I must say that Japanese housewife are really hardworking since they have to wake up around 5.30am just to prepare the lunch box for the hubby and children and do all the housework and also buy groceries, do the laundary, cook dinner, sweep the floor, mop the floor, do this, do that. OMG!!! Respect them sia, and I would like to say that japanese housewife really are hardworking and they do all this without complaining much.
Anyway, they are nice people since they normally treat me to eat a lot of yummy japanese snacks and they are very polite and kind too. :D School going to start next week and I think I will miss this bunch of cute housewifes since they are really active and have make my holiday a happier one. Take care ah!! lol.
Around 6pm time, Mery inform me that she is back to singapore already. :D So happy to know that she is back to singapore already. -.-V Really miss her a lot and finally next week can get to see her liao. Wahahahaha. lol. (that sound like so evil. opps.lol) anyway, I will make my remaining holidays as interesting as possible. Hope everyone enjoy their holidays too. :)
6:40 PM
Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Today I had a good time with some secondary school friends to celebrate one of my friend birthday (Yee Fang's Birthday lo (the gal in the picture where she has only her head showing only...haha~~~) or more like a belated birthday celebration. Hehe~~~We went to sing in a KTV place and me and my OMG~~~singing voice kinda went there and wreak havoc. HIAHIAHIAHIA...... :p (I am the person who "YA" here "YA" there in the picture "act cute sia")
Anyway, this saturday I need to attend another birthday party and I need to crack my head to come out with a present where around 7-8 people wanna share the present. I never had any problem buying stuff for my female friend where I get to talk to them once in a while and this time, I really have no idea what to buy for her since I long time no see her liao lo~~~~~headache!!!(anyone can provide me some suggestions?) Anyway, I still looking forward to it since I can get to meet some of the friends that I have never see for a long long time......Hope it will be a good party.hehe~~~
7:51 PM
Monday, June 9, 2008

I guess every one of us need to realize that it is impossible for all the things in life to go with what we want them to be. For example, u may want to buy something but u have not enough money and when u have enough money, the thing is already gone~~~~~T.T
Sometimes, things becomes even worse when we say that it cannot be any worse right? I think that instead of being sad over what happen and cry over spilled milk or have even more negative thoughts stuck in one's head, we should focus on how to solve and improve the situation. And most importantly, STOP COMPLAINING and MOVE ON MAN!!!! looking at your problems and wounds and stay there forever cannot improves the situation.
Yes, I know is hard to try to do something or to move on but one still need to try since the world does not stop because of your problems.
All I need to say is that, I hope all my friends can be strong in life and try to improve life and be happy~~~~Gambate neh~~~~All the best to all of you.
12:40 PM

After so long of neglecting my blog, I am back into writing :) Last night spend some time doing the template of the blog and thank you so much to yessita for making my blog look like a masterpiece and make my day a happy one. xD
I am currently having my holidays and I have already spent one week of my holidays relaxing~~~~so nice~~~~hehe :) This whole week I have been relaxing, having taekwondo training, having extensive practise on my magic tricks and also missing my friends (that is the part i don't like for holidays, haiz~~~). I feel nice since am able to do all this that I wanted to do a long time ago where I have no time for it during school days.
One more week to school reopens and this week I shall use it for school stuff and prepare myself for the school days again. (PP, UT, and so many stuff.....OMG!!!) Anyway, I think this school holiday is like just nice since i would not be over resting and be lazy again~~~haha~~~anyway, hope all of my friend enjoyed their holidays too~~~~