Yesterday, she talked to me seriously between us and we have sorted out our relationships. She is still my best friend and I am still her best friend. Seriously, I am someone who never really look at girls like what normally guys will do. But sometimes, I really think that all I see is her and no one is able to compare to her (both looks and and her inner self )

All I have to say is that I would be friends with her as long as possible :) In the mean time, I think I have no plans to get into any relationships and just do what I want to do and also make myself a better person. How knows what might happen in the far future right? Bless her~~~~~~

Last friday, she told me that she went to a pub and drink with her friends and eventually overnight at a hotel. At first, I am worried that will she be ok and I keep telling myself in my heart "I MUST TRUST HER, I MUST TRUST HER!!!!" I guess to me, I choose and will trust her because a lot of relationships, pure relationships such as friends, family, and even couple need to trust each other fully and totally without asking someone to repay you beck with anything.

A few nights ago, I was chatting with her. Below is the content


She : have u think of go into relationship~ since u took a long time for it?
Me : took a long time for it?
Me : for what?
Me : huh???
Me : I when got take a long time for relationship??
Me : I was never in relationship what
She : ehm~ well~ I mean
She : took a long time
She :in considering it
Me : Oooo
Me : I think to me
She: if I go into a relationship
Me : I will want to make the gal my life partner
Me : where I want to be with her forever
Me : so I guess I wun go into relationship now even if I really love someone
She : Yea
She : this is not a joke
She : think carefully
She : b4 everything
Me : y ask me like that?
Me : huh?
She : no~
She : Since
She : its hard to you to get into relationship mah
She : then summore
She : u r the one
She : easily get emo
She : who noes
She : one day
She : Break
She : then u will suicide
She : then ask u think carefully la
She : wad do u think then?
She : u tot I n wilson goin to break?
She : Lol
She : that's y i asked u?
She : Hahaha
Me : to be true to you, I may be someone that stays by the side of someone I love but say nothing to her about I love her de, just accompany her by her side for a long long time...as long as possible
Me : I guess I may have the chance of suicide since I believe I exist because of the gal I want to protect and the gal I want to love
Me : if the gal dies liao
Me : I will suicide
Me : accompany her so that she wun be alone when she dies
She : lol how do u noe u wil be able to acc her in the neither world??? alot of ppl die in the same day~ will they meet at thr?
She : lol
Me : I will try
Me : I may not know I can acc her a not
Me : but I want to
Me : I want to try and meet her and acc her
Me : I want to try
Me : even it is hard
Me : if I try, I may achieve nothing
Me : if I dun try, I will achieve less than nothing
She : ehm ya
Me : I will do anything and everything for her
Me : including die for or with her
She : I think
She : this is wad a relationship should b too
She : lol
Me : a lot of people say i am stupid and foolish
Me : say if a gal dun like u and with other people then how?
Me : I will tell them
Me : all my eyes see is the one I love and I love only
Me : as long she is hao hao de
Me : am willing to do anything to maintain that
Me : that is y I say
Me : family is responsibility
Me : so when I have money left for them
Me : am free to sacrifice for the one I love
She : ehm
She : well
She : yea
She : I think so
She : but dun dwell too much on it la
Me : I admit I am a selfish person
Me : because I only want a world with me
Me : and her only
Me : others I dun care so much liao
She : haha
She : yea
She : ic
She : lol
She : i think most of ppl feel the same
She : anyway
She : chengwei
She : am goin to turn in
She : lol
She : hahaha
Me : am waiting for that
Me : if u no sleep
Me : i wun offline also
She : =x
Me : want to see u sleep
Me : go sleep
Me : better for ur body

When I was chatting with her, right after she says goodbye and turn in, I cry my heart out the whole night and I wonder does she feels anything towards me ?
I am like why does she need to ask me this? Is she serious towards me? I have no idea. but I understand a fact very clearly, no matter what she wants to do to me, no matter what she thinks of me, no matter what is it, I will stand by her......and I hope is as long as possible....

After not being to see her for 22 days, I finally get to see her and had a 25 mins breakfast with her.

She told me that she did finish her PP already, am so happy that she takes good care of her studies too.....am proud of her......I guess I should finish my PP up.hehe :)

She did not talk much to me, but am already very contented that she is willing to meet me and have breakfast together. Am happy to see her that she is good and healthy. At least happy also on the outside.

I said to myself in my heart when having breakfast, "this is the girl I want to take care of for my lifetime, I shall not forget about wat I promise to her. I want to take care of her but I also need to give her respect and space. Anything that can bring her happiness, am willing to do......"

To see her today, am truly contented~~~~~~take care~~~~~

Last night, was as usual, a teary sleepless night...
I fell in love with the song titled "parrot" by howl. It is how amazing that the song writer is able to have the song written with such meaning the really reads someone's mind. Below is the english translation of the song....

Howl - Parrot
I started thinking of you again like it was yesterday,
The missing feeling in my heart doesn’t seem to be reduced,
You just keep appearing in my mind,
The more I comfort myself, the more tears will fall,
Even if I rub away those tears secretly,
Those memories will turn over another memory,
Making me cry with a painful heart,
What I obtained are only extreme regrets,
The me who has never sacrifice is now having fears the you might forget…
Love you…I…I love you…
This is what I learned from you, out of all words and phrases in the world
This has become my favorite phrase,
Muttering to myself…like a fool alone…
I’m sorry… I’m sorry…
I’m sorry for these words that are too late
I wait for you without any pride
Will you return tomorrow by chance

I liked it, I was happy,
I didn’t know how to confess, I believed in forever,
If on that day, even if only in my dreams,
If I could return to that day, I’d collect all my emotions,
I would empty out my heart and give it all to you,
I love you, I love you,
This is what I learned from you out of all the words and phrases in the world,
This has become my favorite phrase
Muttering to myself… like a fool alone…
I’m sorry… I am sorry…
I’m sorry for these words that are too late
I wait for you without any pride
Will you return tomorrow by chance

This heart… Even if it’s ended, we won’t know
Even if you can’t come
Even if you’ve changed
Even if it’s not me
I call out… call out again
Like a parrot, I call out your name
And your love, like this

with everything like this, I am still not able to understand what am I feeling and what do I really want, am still lost.......and I still miss her for not been able to see her properly for 21 days. I miss her~~~

Since that night, I have been crying non-stop every night. All I can do is lie on my bed and and somehow I cannot control my eyes and tears will just flow and flow and flow.

Last night, I kept on cry, cough, cry, cough, cry and cough and finally I vomitted after extensive crying and coughing. I could not sleep soundly and all I can do is to let my tears run dry until I feel so weak and I will just blackout but when I am concious I will discover that my whole eyes are red, swollen and wet.

I dunno what am I thinking, I dun understand what I want, I dun understand my feeling, am totally lost~~~~

When the class ended, I dunno where to go, I dunno who to meet, No one to wait for me and no one for me to wait... am totally lost and I really feel empty and lonely inside me.

Is like everything I do I give my heart and soul and now I totally lost both of that and it is no where to be found.

Even in school today, I could not hold back my tears and went to the toilet for around 2 hours in total just to hide myself in one of the cubicle.

Am totally lost, lost in myself, lost my heart, lost my soul, lost in my life, lost in anything and everything and I dunno why.........I miss you........

Today I had a good time with some secondary school friends to celebrate one of my friend birthday (Yee Fang's Birthday lo (the gal in the picture where she has only her head showing only...haha~~~) or more like a belated birthday celebration. Hehe~~~We went to sing in a KTV place and me and my OMG~~~singing voice kinda went there and wreak havoc. HIAHIAHIAHIA...... :p (I am the person who "YA" here "YA" there in the picture "act cute sia")